Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Coming back



There are many things in life about which its difficult to blog...incidents, emotions, problems, people, etc. And mistakes...




Mistakes of not holding hands...




Relationships mostly came to me with a lot of pain. But still I would still say life was good to me. Almost always.




Its just so wonderful to know and live with people who has the courage to love me inspite of all my faults, all my withdrawals, all my negations...




When in pain, one's existence is often fragmented...you seem lost...not recognising emotions, not knowing yourself...one just craves for some synchrony in the things that keep happening around you.




And suddenly you see a pattern in the smiling faces around you, in the words that keep dropping unaware...




This pattern seems familiar...this pattern I knew some years ago...




It comes to me in drops and then comes rushing...canteen, classrooms, stairs, movie halls, smiles, laughs, hands held tight...And then the mistake of letting go...those hands...which I could see stretched...I kept walking away as if I heard nothing...




I have walked miles away...But I can still hear you all...




Is this an illusion...I am afraid to turn back..




All I need to do is to turn around...I know I will have to find out...




Now now now..Turn




What is this? Its me. I see myself...I see myself smiling and happy...who is she? Is this an illusion? Is this me? Is this an image or my imagination?




I try touching her with shivering fingers...I cannot. What is this? Am I dreaming?




"Who are you?", I shout at it. "Who, who...please tell me"




And then there is another me...smiling...talking...happy..




"Who are you all? Tell me. Tell me. Why do you all look like me?"




And then there face starts changing...I know these faces, I know them all..memories from past come rushig back...college, canteen, movie halls...




"I do not understand. What is this happening?"




They all smile at me. There are tears in my eyes..."Please tell me"




And then it dawns in me...i know what all this means.




I left a part of me here. In between my friends...with each of them. I lived fragmented all this time not knowing where it existed...now knowing that "friendship is the best kind of love"




I stretch my hands...in hope, in fear, in happiness










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